Parent
Down
Start Here
Start Here For HR Professionals Resources My Story

Parent Down

Free crisis resources for adult children

My mom fell.

You don't need to figure everything out. Just start here.

Built by an HR leave specialist who has navigated FMLA from both sides of the desk — professionally, and personally.

Get the Free Crisis Resources

Whether you're in crisis now or preparing for what might come, we're here.

Free Resources for Adult Children in Crisis

You don't need to figure everything out. Just start here. These free tools are designed to give you structure and clarity when your brain is offline and panic is taking over.

Start here. Don't think—just follow the steps.

📋

The First 72 Hours

A clear, step-by-step checklist of what to do right now. When your brain is offline and panic is taking over, this gives you exactly what to do—no decisions, no guessing.

💬

Scripts & Language

What to say when you don't know what to say. Ready-to-use words for conversations that feel impossible.

Read Scripts
📚

Practical Guides

Guides on paperwork, communication, decisions, and the logistics nobody tells you about.

Explore Guides
👔

FMLA & Workplace Leave Toolkit

For HR professionals supporting employees in crisis.

Learn More

Everything here is free. There's no paywall. No "get more" upsell hiding behind these resources. You have everything you need to start right now.

You're not alone in this. Let's help you navigate it clearly.

For HR Professionals & People Managers

When an employee's parent has a medical crisis, you have about 5 minutes to get it right.

Most HR managers want to help. But in that moment — when an employee walks in mid-cry, or calls you from a hospital parking lot — knowing what to say, what to send, and what to hand them is the difference between an employee who feels supported and one who spends their leave wondering if they still have a job.

The FMLA & Workplace Leave Toolkit gives you everything you need before that moment happens.

Getting it wrong has a cost. The employee who goes on leave wondering if they still have a job. The manager who says the wrong thing in the first five minutes and loses trust permanently. The HR team scrambling to find the right form while someone is crying in the parking lot. The toolkit gives you everything you need before that moment ever happens.

📝

The Day 1 HR Script

Word-for-word guidance for the conversation — including what NOT to say and a same-day checklist.

📧

Five Email Templates

Ready to customize and send. Covers designation, manager notification, mid-leave check-in, return prep, and compassionate denial.

📄

The Employee One-Pager

Print it. Hand it over with the FMLA paperwork. Written for someone whose brain is offline.

Built by an HR leave specialist who has navigated FMLA from both sides of the desk — professionally, and personally.

Get the Toolkit — $39

Instant download. No account required. Not legal advice.

Get the Toolkit — $39

Company Licensing

For HR teams who need unlimited internal access across your organization.

Team License

$500/year

For HR teams at companies under 500 employees.

  • ✓ Unlimited internal use for your HR team
  • ✓ Day 1 HR Script & checklist
  • ✓ 5 email templates
  • ✓ Employee One-Pager

Company License

$1,000/year

For companies with 500+ employees.

  • ✓ Everything in Team License
  • ✓ Priority support from Barb Hood directly
  • ✓ Dedicated onboarding & training
  • ✓ Custom consultation available

Already navigating a parent's crisis yourself? The free resources above are for you.

The First 72 Hours: What to Do Now (and Next)

Start here when your brain is offline and panic is taking over. We break it down into clear, doable steps.

Call the hospital and ask: What happened? What is the diagnosis? What is their current condition? Is your parent conscious/able to communicate?

Who has healthcare power of attorney? If nothing is official, the hospital will likely defer to the closest family member. Know who that is.

Insurance cards, ID, any medical records you can find quickly. You don't need everything yet, just basics to register your parent at the hospital.

Spouse, siblings, adult children. Keep it brief: "Mom is in the hospital. I'll send updates as I know more." Don't try to explain everything yet.

Send your boss/HR an email: "Family medical emergency. I'll be out for [x days]. I'll update you when I can." Most employers understand. Do not debate this.

If you can't go, ask someone else to. The hospital needs someone there who can answer questions and authorize basic care.

Create a group chat or share a Google Doc. One person (you?) will update it regularly. Everyone else reads it. This prevents the "what happened?" texts 50 times.

Ask the doctor: What tests/procedures are happening next? When will you know more? What are we waiting for? Get a timeline.

You'll need to call their doctor, employer, and people they care about. Get their phone or address book if possible.

You're overwhelmed. Your brain is scrambled. This is normal. You don't have to be perfect. Just do the next thing.

Progress: 0 of 10 items completed

Get The Sudden Care Guide When It's Ready

Get notified when The Sudden Care Guide is available.

Paperwork & Logistics

a.k.a. The Admin Boss Fight

Documents and paperwork organization

Insurance

Locate your parent's insurance cards (medical, dental, vision). Find the policy numbers and customer service contacts. You'll need these for hospital bills and medical claims.

Quick Checklist:

  • ☐ Medical insurance card location
  • ☐ Policy number documented
  • ☐ Customer service phone number saved
  • ☐ Deductible and coverage limits noted

What this really means: Insurance companies move slowly. Call them early and often. Keep records of every conversation.

Medical Records

Request records from your parent's primary care doctor, specialists, and any hospitals where they've been treated. This gives the crisis care team important context.

Quick Checklist:

  • ☐ Request from primary doctor
  • ☐ Request from specialists
  • ☐ Previous hospital records
  • ☐ Medication list from pharmacy

What this really means: Hospitals can take weeks to send records. Start requesting now, even if you're not sure you need them.

Legal Documents

Find the will, power of attorney, healthcare proxy, and any advance directives. These determine who makes decisions if your parent can't.

Quick Checklist:

  • ☐ Will located
  • ☐ Power of attorney found
  • ☐ Healthcare proxy identified
  • ☐ Living will / advance directives

What this really means: If these don't exist, you may need a lawyer to establish guardianship quickly. Not fun, but sometimes necessary.

Work & Leave

Notify your employer immediately. Check your benefits for FMLA, PTO, or crisis leave. You'll likely need time off for hospital visits and medical appointments.

Quick Checklist:

  • ☐ Notify HR or manager
  • ☐ Review FMLA eligibility
  • ☐ Check PTO balance
  • ☐ Discuss accommodation needs

What this really means: You can't focus on work right now. Most employers understand. It's okay to take time off.

Finances

Locate bank accounts, credit cards, investment accounts, mortgage, and any debts. Know what bills auto-pay and from which account. Medical costs add up fast.

Quick Checklist:

  • ☐ Bank account locations
  • ☐ Credit card accounts
  • ☐ Recurring bill list
  • ☐ Financial advisor contact

What this really means: You may need to pay hospital bills from your parent's account. You'll want to understand their financial situation quickly.

House & Pets

Who has house keys? Who feeds the cat? Know the status of the mortgage, property tax, homeowner's insurance. Handle urgent house/pet needs immediately.

Quick Checklist:

  • ☐ Arrange house access
  • ☐ Pet care arranged
  • ☐ Mail hold or forwarding
  • ☐ Utility bills reviewed

What this really means: Don't let these slip. A hungry pet or unpaid mortgage won't wait for the crisis to calm down.

Keeping Everyone Updated Without Losing Your Mind

Yes, you have to be the family communication hub now.

Communication and family updates

How to Talk with Doctors

Doctors are busy and move fast. Here's how to stay informed:

  • 1. Ask the same questions to multiple doctors. You'll get different answers and start piecing together the picture.
  • 2. Write things down or take photos of whiteboards. Your brain is scrambled. Don't rely on memory.
  • 3. Ask "what happens next?" at every visit. Know the timeline for tests, results, and decisions.
  • 4. Request all results in writing. Email them to yourself so you have a record.
  • 5. Be honest about what you don't understand. Ask them to explain like you're ten. They've heard it before.

Sample Script:

"I'm trying to keep the family informed and make sure I understand what's happening. Can you walk me through the diagnosis again? And what are we watching for over the next few days?"

Updating Family & Friends

You're not a secretary. But people do need to know what's going on. Here's the hack:

  • 1. Use a group text or shared document. Update once, everyone sees it. Google Docs or a family group chat works great.
  • 2. Set update times. "I'll send updates every evening at 7 PM." People respect structure.
  • 3. Keep updates brief and factual. You don't owe anyone play-by-play emotional processing. "Tests came back. Doctor meeting tomorrow at 10."
  • 4. Set a boundary about support requests. "I can't talk on the phone, but I'm reading messages."
  • 5. Let people help in specific ways. "We need groceries Tuesday" is easier than "we're struggling."

Sample Update:

"Mom's surgery is scheduled for Friday morning. Doctors say it went well yesterday. More details after we meet with the surgical team Thursday. Please don't call—I'm checking messages when I can."

Setting Boundaries

You don't owe anyone constant updates, real-time availability, or emotional labor while you're in crisis mode. Here's what you actually owe people:

What you OWE:

  • ☐ Basic factual updates
  • ☐ Respect for others' right to grieve
  • ☐ Honesty about the situation

What you DON'T owe:

  • ☐ Constant availability
  • ☐ Managing everyone's emotions
  • ☐ Being your parent's spokesperson
  • ☐ Detailed explanations of medical choices
  • ☐ Mediating family arguments

Big Decisions Under Pressure

When there's no "right" answer, just hard ones.

Questions to Ask Before You Decide

  • What is the realistic outcome?

    Not what you hope for. What do the doctors actually expect?

  • What did your parent want?

    If they can't tell you now, what did they say in better times? Did they have advance directives?

  • What is the goal of this intervention?

    Cure? Comfort? Buying time? Make sure everyone agrees on the goal.

  • What are the risks and downsides?

    Every medical procedure has tradeoffs. Don't let doctors gloss over them.

  • What happens if we do nothing?

    Sometimes the best decision is to stop intervening and focus on comfort.

  • Can we pause and revisit this in 24-48 hours?

    Unless it's life-or-death-in-the-next-hour, sleep on it. Your brain will work better after rest.

When You Don't Agree with Siblings

This is brutal. Here's the reality: you probably can't all agree. But you have to function.

  • Separate medical decisions from family dynamics.

    This isn't about who's right. It's about what your parent needs now.

  • Check your legal authority.

    Who is the healthcare proxy? If it's not you, that person gets final say. (Fair or not.)

  • Understand each person's fear.

    Your sibling pushing for aggressive treatment might be terrified of losing your parent. Listen to that first.

  • Get a neutral medical voice.

    Ask the palliative care doctor or social worker to explain the options. Often helps people hear it differently.

  • You don't have to convince everyone.

    If you're the decision-maker, decide. Others can be upset. That's allowed.

External Resources & Support

These are vetted organizations and resources that handle the specialized areas you'll need—medical info, legal help, financial guidance, crisis support, and workplace rights. Use them alongside Parent Down.

You don't have to know everything. These people do. That's what they're here for.

Crisis Support

  • National Hospice & Palliative Care:
    nhpco.org
    Information about end-of-life care and comfort-focused decisions.
  • Crisis Text Line:
    Text HOME to 741741
    For when you're overwhelmed and need to talk to someone.
  • National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI):
    nami.org
    Caregiver support groups and mental health resources.

Medical Information

  • Medline Plus:
    medlineplus.gov
    Clear, plain-language medical information from the National Library of Medicine.
  • Mayo Clinic:
    mayoclinic.org
    Trusted patient education and condition guides.
  • Patient Advocate Foundation:
    patientadvocate.org
    Help navigating insurance, financial, and medical issues.

Legal & Financial

  • Legal Aid:
    lawhelp.org
    Free or low-cost legal help in your state.
  • Family Caregiver Alliance:
    caregiver.org
    Practical guides on finances, legal documents, and caregiver support.
  • Benefits.gov:
    benefits.gov
    Check if your parent qualifies for Medicare, Medicaid, or other programs.

Caregiver Support

  • The Caregiver Action Network:
    caregiveraction.org
    Resources, support groups, and practical advice for caregivers.
  • AARP Caregiving:
    aarp.org/caregiving
    Guides and tools for managing caregiving responsibilities.
  • Grief Support:
    Check with local hospitals and hospices for grief counseling and support groups.

Workplace & HR Resources

  • U.S. Department of Labor - FMLA:
    dol.gov/agencies/whd/fmla
    Official Family and Medical Leave Act information and employer requirements.
  • State Leave Laws (Find Yours):
    shrm.org - State Leave Laws
    Comprehensive guide to paid and unpaid leave options by state.
  • Disability.gov:
    disability.gov
    Information on benefits, accommodations, and state resources.

Important Hotlines

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

988 (call or text, available 24/7)

For you or anyone struggling emotionally during this crisis.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-7233 (24/7)

If crisis care includes unsafe family dynamics.

Medicare Helpline

1-800-Medicare (1-800-633-4227)

Questions about coverage, bills, or benefits.

Poison Control

1-800-222-1222 (24/7)

For accidental medication or substance issues.